Audio

[blesseddumbfuck]

[Biff sounds as though he's back to his cheerful self. If there's still something wrong regarding Judas, he's hiding it really well.]

I have taken down the flyers in the stairwells. If you are interested in nights of passion and strenuous sexual activity, you must inquire elsewhere. Preferably in a private communication to me over the network. I'll set up a social calendar.

I know many will object to my tactics, but as there is no way that I can afford to buy dinner for every woman on the ship, and there is nowhere to buy it anyway, I am cutting out the middle man.

Incidentally, I have learned that "safe sex" is a concern in the twentieth century. And that is not the "safe sex" which means "you must be healthy and have no back, neck, or heart problems to ride this ride". It means condoms.

I promise, the sex is safe. Very safe. Also, fun. Like a rollercoaster. I've never been on a rollercoaster, but I imagine they are fun. But not as fun as sex.

But here is my theory about rollercoasters: they have something to do with sex. Have you heard that one song?

[And he starts to sing "Love Rollercoaster" for a few lines, then breaks off, laughing.]

You get the idea.

[Pause.]

Also, I would like to speak to Jim Profit. I met your mother while she was here. How old are you, Jim?

[On a more serious note:]

I am sorry to hear about everyone who has been injured or killed. It doesn't matter the circumstances. Hurting is hard, and so is dying.



[Private to Persephone]

Persephone, I haven't heard from you since the end of the flood. I have tried to give you space, but now I think we should talk. Do you have time?

I have good news for you, even though I already told your mother. The Admiral has promised me you will receive your deal when you graduate.

Also, he gave me a cookie.

It was a little stale.


[Private to Bigger]

[Can you hear the shit-eating grin in his voice?]

Rollercoaster?

Comments

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

[Exactly.]

Those type of women are the ones you marry and give you long, wonderful years of happiness.

I'm looking for the other kind of woman.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Wait--Biff--look. You have been of great aid to me, so please, consider the words of a man with four and a half centuries' worth of experience of women.

There aren't just two kinds of women. There are women who will come to your bed as a playmate, but then eventually say "I like this, can we make it regular?" There are those that claim to want marriage and chastity, but seduce with their eyes and leave you with scratch-marks all over once you get past their guard--then toss YOU away for a new model. Some will ever want only a casual lover, but still need and deserve all the tenderness one would give a wife when one is with her.

I tell you true--there are as many varieties of women on this Barge as there are women. And that is one of the most wonderful things about the sex. It is like any two flowers never quite being alike.

...

[OK, he just got a bit gushy there for a second. Drac Likes Girls.]

Still, that's an even better reason for a man to be generally honest about his intentions. I hope that you find women who enjoy the more unattached forms of sex.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

[Pause.]

...I know all of this.

[He sounds more serious than before. And a bit reserved.]

I do not want to fall in love here, Dracula. And I don't think I want anyone to fall in love with me. So for me, there are two types of women: those who fall in love, and those who don't.

I want the ones who don't.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Eh...yes, well, my point is that they can be harder to pick out than you think.

As for me, I...well...I almost feel like falling in love properly would be like accomplishing some sort of profound goal.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

We're quite a pair. You want to fall in love, and I don't.

We should trade places.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

I suppose that is true. You strike me as the sort who could love well if he chose to. But if the timing is bad, or if you're holding out for someone, I can certainly understand it.

I do not know if I want to fall in love, but I want to be capable.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

...I will tell you. I wrote a book, you know. About my life. But since you can't read it, I'll try to give you an abridged version of one small part:

When I was young, I fell in love with a girl. She loved me, too, but loved my best friend more. I loved her all my life with all my heart. She made me forget everything when I looked at her. I was whole when we made love.

When I saw her again last year, she became mine because my best friend is dead. So that's how it ends. We lived happily ever after.

[A long pause here. His tone is still light, but it's clearly forced:]

Except there is no such thing as 'happily ever after', Dracula.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

I...see. Or at least, I begin to. [He looked down in slight embarrassment, not having the empathy to offer much comfort and knowing it.]

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

I do not mean to sound bitter. I only mean that there is life. Life is not happily ever after. Life is change. Every day is something new and different, and sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's wonderful. One day, we woke up and she was different. Or I was different.

Or both.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

You did not sound bitter. You sounded... [problems with empathy here; he had to sort through his knowledge of expressions and inflections instead.] Hurt. I am insensitive by nature, so I must choose my words carefully in such situations, and sometimes...I run out of them.

I have learned to my...sorrow...that even immortal relationships are often not forever, and can in fact be...just as unhealthy as some mortal ones. I can thus somewhat understand where you are coming from.

As for the changing winds of fate that govern our nights--er, days--I can only wait to see how they shift here.

Perhaps the opportunity will come for something wonderful after all.

But just in case...Biff, I have a small favor to ask. A very strange one, but it should show how I trust in you.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

"Hurt" is a good word.

What is the favor?

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

I am going to give you a pair of letters. One is to be opened if I am ever completely helpless--comatose, reduced to a child or what have you. The other is to be presented to me if I ever lose my memory of you. A sort of letter of safe passage.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

[Hm.]

Thank you for trusting me.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Yes, well. I am attempting to make allowances for the strangeness around here, and I don't want some me that has not met you giving you trouble.

[private]

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

Would some you that has not met me try to eat me?

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Well, I admit, last time all I did was rescue Drake Stone and bite him with his consent. But...that was lucky. I don't think I would try to eat you, but...how do you say...it is better to be safe.

[private] - Sorry, interwebs fail!

[blesseddumbfuck.livejournal.com]

In that case, I think a letter would be a good idea.

[private]

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

All right. I will make the arrangements and contact you.